Editor's note: Just after Shane sent me this review from his vast archive of writings I learned that Jimmy Page and the Black Crowes are touring again this summer. Read Shane's quite droll and informative review and then go the bottom of the page to find out about tour dates, downloads and such.

Jimmy Page and The Black Crowes - Greek Theater LA 10/18/99:
By Shane Tobin

Punch me in the face and rape me with the totem pole that your village is named after! This was insane. First off, we must start by saying that of course this will never match the magic of an actual Led Zeppelin show. Those days are gone and none of us will ever really know how sick it must have been to hear John Bonham hammer out "Trampled Under Foot" while Jimmy Page drew blood from his sunburst '69 Les Paul, Robert Plant pranced around screaming his head off and John Paul Jones dropped cow size funk bombs on the front row of Madison Square Garden.

That being said, F the Page and Plant shows. I don't want to see Robert Plant screaming with an orchestra behind him and some naked dudes on a digeerdoo and sitar belting out Battle of Evermore. But that's just me. Page must have felt a little embarrassed on tour with this world music lunatic.

Which bring us to the union of the Black Crowes and one of the greatest rock n' roll guitarists of out time, Mr. Jimmy Page. Now some people might say the Black Crowes are just a Rolling Stones rip off. But that's a pile of poop. These guys are legit and a kick ass rock and blues band. That's why Mr. Page jumped on board. Listening to the Crowes songs interspersed throughout the Zeppelin tunes really gave me a new perspective, along with the joint that some 48 year old rocker passed to me. Chris Robinson pulled off the most impossible job you can ever think of. Not one moment did you feel that these guys were pretenders to the throne. Of course their drummer is no John Bonham and Chris is no classic Plant but they did it in their own style and it fucking rocked.

Az got incredible seats about 15 rows away from the stage. We were in full view of all band interaction. Except for the very beginning of the show because we were securing adult beverages. Upon hearing the first notes of Celebration Day, I grab my two beverages and pushed my way past the crusty old rockers. Here is a breakdown of what went on in there last night.

October 18, 1999 ~ The Greek Theater ~ Los Angeles, CA

Celebration Day - "Moma, I'm so happy, I'm gonna join the band." Page laying back a bit and everyone in the Greeking fumbling with their lighters trying to get the bowl sparked. I'm in total shock to be able to see the master of the heavy metal guitar lick so I punch the guy next to me in the groin and tell him to start dancing. This shit does come round every year.

Custard Pie - Opening guitar riffs, I pulled my chair out of the cement and started bashing it over my head. Page is smiling at the Crowes and at one point is directing the action with start/stop guitar work. This is sick and can't be explained.

Sick Again - Another Physical Graffiti tune and well played. Nothing too notable here except that everyone in the Greek is still trying to get used to the idea of what they are witnesses. Az overheats and pours a beer in his pants

No Speak No Slave - First Crowes tune of the night and as the song opens, Page looks over at Chris and the drummer and starts waving his hands in the air, windmill style. He is obviously excited and into the Crowes tunes. Az must pour another beer down his pants and some of the people around him are getting nervious including myself.

What Is And What Should Never Be - No Speak No Slave was so hard hitting that when Chris breaks into "And if I say to you tomorrow...", some of the old rockers began to shed tears. Forward thinkers like myself were waiting for the break when Page rocks it out at the end. When it came it became clear to us that Page was not just some old man on stage. He grabbed this one hard and spanked it, like my uncle's sister. ("Like my uncle's sister" appears courtesy of Charles Coy.TM)

Wiser Time - Great Crowes tune Chris and Rich Robinson front and center harmonizing perfectly, like when Az and I sing Gospel songs in the bathroom. The acoustics in our bathroom are quite amazing. Guitar solos by the Rich and the other Crowes guitar dude were great. Very Allman Brothers-esque if you will. And even if you won't.

Mellow Down Easy - Blues tune, still reeling from Wiser Time. Probably would have been a good time to take a leak but I really didn't have to.

Ten Years Gone - "Then as it was and again it shall be, though the course may change sometime, rivers always reach the sea." I think this was used in my parent's wedding vowes. I know some asshole from Greenwich used this for his high school year book. Anyway great tune here and they are hitting every note perfectly. [MusicMaker.com offers a free download of this track from the Greek Theater concert]

In My Time Of Dying - Lock up your pets and turn your porn up loud. I saw one old rocker rip his boots off and start gnawing on the leather. This was going to be frightening...and it was. Az saw some loser using his cell phone and he ripped it out of his hands and sevearly beat him with it. All in time with the music. I was impressed.

Your Time Is Gonna Come - "lying cheating hurting, that all you seem to do." These lyrics remind me of my attitude toward my teachers in college. I don't think that's what the song is about but what the hell. Very beautiful organ work done here by Eddie Harsch. This is when I called my mom to tell her I was crying at a rock show. Az made me hang up on her.

Remedy - Another Crowes spectacular and the audience was loving it. I screamed out "Will someone please feed my plants a turkey dinner!" This lead to more confused looks and a security guard who would watch our row for the remainder of the concert.

The Lemon Song - Hard and Heavy. Page really took over here and started wowing the crowd. At one point the bass and keys were trading licks which I like to call the dueling John Paul Jones. As any Zep fans know, JPJ played both bass and keys and that this scenario never could have happened in the live arena. So to finally see the duel JPJ played out live was something special. Really. You'll tell your kids about it someday. I think.

Shake Your Money Maker - Elmore James tune. Good time to grab another beer but they stopped selling booze. This is called the Tobin Clause. No beer sold after The Lemon Song has been played with the dueling JPJ.

Shapes Of Things - Old Yardbirds tune, Page felt like he was 19 again and I think pooped his pants at one point.

Nobody's Fault But Mine - Az abruptly punched me in the face and pointed at the guy next to him. So I punched the guy next to him in the face and then Chris Robinson started screaming "Ahhhhhhhhhh, ahhhhahh, ahhhhhhhh, ahhhhh, ahhhhhhhhh,ahhhhhhhhh,ahhhhhhhhhhhhh." So the fighting stopped and we all watched in amazement as they hit this thing note for note. All three guitars were playing the same part perfectly. It was like Church for the Strange.

Heartbreaker - At this point, the older rocker who was now to my right, was finally getting into the show. He must have been autistic or brain damaged because Page was bent over, bending his strings in agony and this guy hadn't moved an inch. The old rocker was pissing in my cereal. The guitar solo here by Page was totally improvised and nothing like the one you will hear when you play your LZ II album. Page was reaching for new things. And with that they left the stage for a good fifteen minutes. Sound in there was really loud. I'm still having audio problems today.

- encore - Hey, Hey, What Can I Do - Slash my tires and poop in my pillows. This was nice. Mandolin accompaniment was tender like Charles Coy's sister. ("Tender like Charles Coy's sister" appears courtesy of Charles Coy.TM)

Oh Well - Good time to poop or piss. Fleetwood Mac tune, and it is a rockin song but save this tune for A Very Special Christmas compilation.

Out On The Tiles - "As I walk down the highway, all I do is sing this song and a train that coming my way helps the rhythym move along..." Another gem from the catalog.

Whole Lotta Love - Complete with Chris screaming "Way down inside, woman you need......Looooooooooooooooove." Page walked over to a theremin and started making all those trippy sounds you hear in the bridge. It was screaming at high pitched levels and one of the old rockers hid under his seat begging for the forgiveness of God. And in a crash of blistering guitar solos and wailing cries, the show ended.

Everyone came to center stage and took a bow. The Greek Theater clapped in amazement and I went home and had a beer. Quite a show party people, quite a show. I couldn't remeber my name or my high school gym locker combination by the end of this one. They're doing it again and I hope they have warning stickers on the seats tonight or someone might get badly injured. 99 is coming to a close quickly but were're finishing in grand fashion. Let's keep up the good work and not try to poop in our cereal if we can help it.

"Live At The Greek" can currently only be purchased and downloaded at MusicMaker.com (they offer a free download of Ten Years Gone By, which is f-ing sweet) or you can pre-order the actual two disk set on CDNOW which will become available on July 4. (Of course, if you're on Napster you may get an illegitamate copy of some of the tracks).